Existential Depression is the doorway to Spiritual Awakening
-I did some serious time in the existential-depression penitentary.
-I spent a good twenty years of my life wallowing in the black depths of the dark night of the soul.
-I paid my rot time enlightenment dues. (Rot- school of waking down)
-And…I contracted a severe case of decades long zen sickness.
In other words, for a very long time … I was a miserable fuck.
Funny thing though- probably with the exception of my closest family, nobody had a clue I was going through this. How could this be? How did I function? How do I retain my sanity? How did I get beyond it? Have a seat my weary souled friend and I will share with you a few helpful secrets…
Let’s begin with nomenclature. It’s all in the name: Existential depression. I didn’t say just depression, or suffering, or psychological suffering, or unhappiness, or miserableness, or any other other descriptive term which would-or-could have imbued it with any personal overtone or meaning. Existential depression is what I called it during all those years. I denuded it. I striped it of all personal function.
I was not a victim and nor was I at fault. I was not damaged nor beyond repair. I was not suffering due to some past childhood issue or abuse. I was not suffering at the hands of some psychological or biological imbalance. I was not suffering from any of the myriad number of man-made, get in line, sell you pharmaceudicals, fictionalized, pseudo-scientific reasons that have risen in our hyper-materialistic and spiritually dead culture. I was was not suffering from any of these things. I was suffering existentially. Existential depression. Plain and simple.
To suffer existentially or to be existentially depressed implies that the over-arching mysterious conditions of existence have manifested or brought this condition into play.
To suffer existentially lands you smack dab in the middle- directly on the borderline-between victim and idiot. In other words- neither you nor the universe are to blame -and simultaneously – get this- YES: both you and the universe are to blame. Taking this position denudes it; it removes the fangs from the bite. Does this make sense? I called it existential. I owned it. I embraced it. I let it go. I do believe Buddhists call this the middle way.
I don’t want to make this sound too simple. There is no simple or easy way through this terrain. It’s dark. It’s lonely. It’s fucking depressing man! It sucks. BUT- I guarantee you- you will go through it if you are truly on the path of awakening. There’s a great book by Michael Washburn called Ego and the Dynamic Ground. In the book he coins the term: regression in the service of transcendence. Fantastic. This is exactly what I’m talking about. You own it. It does not own you. Let this sink deep into the marrow of your bones.
In short, my advise: Take the center position. Hold neutral ground. Keep your head above water. Gather you wits. You can do this. Yes, you can. And eventually– you will weather the storm. Good luck…
DEPRESSION sucks. There is a cure, but you gotta have skin in the game….If humor, wisdom and a nuts & bolts approach to spiritual awakening appeal to you email firstname.lastname@example.org to schedule a FREE consultation and let’s see if we can get you to where you really want to be by getting you to embrace all the places you’ve been avoiding, fearing or running from.
Through self-inquiry exercises, nondoing relaxation methods, visualization techniques, eye contact & deep heart listening J. Stewart Dixon offers spiritual awakening facilitation, resonance & coaching services to guide you to glimpses of the awakened state & ultimately to your own awakening. J. Stewart studied for two decades & awakened under the guidance of numerous nondual, advaita & zen teachers.