Advaita Vedanta Non dual Satsang Teachers and Enlightenment Gurus

Today I received an email… from one of the many sat sang teachers who are running around America selling their wares. I have absolutely no problem with any of these teachers and as you’ll find out, this is the school I graduated from. I have read this teachers’ books, watched his videos and seen him in person. This teacher is awake. But damn that was one cheesy email. The current sat sang modus operandi is becoming the music industry equivalent of Duran Duran. Upon opening the email, there splayed out like porn on a background of slightly out of focus bluish mountains is this:

Like the imaginary lines created between countries,

we create separation in our minds.

All our distinctions are like lines on water.

The mystery of Intelligent Love brings us together

regardless of the lines we imagine.

Huh? I’m confused.

It must mean something, because well, look at those pretty mountains and the italicized words. Maybe if I just stare at it long enough… I’ll separate myself from the intelligent imaginary lines that are on the water floating in my mind where the lines that created my country are floating and then I can get to the water that brought us together where I can just make the distinction to go away and then the lines will…all be…uh…really cool.   After a while I do get it, (vaguely) but it’s packaged in such a slick new age utopian format that I could care less. Someday when I have my own sat sang email here will be my header:

Dude, are you awake yet?

Cause if you’re not, you’re in fucking trouble.

It will be splayed out over a slightly fuzzy background of dead goats and diesel trucks.

To make matters worse this particular teacher is one whose organization reeled through a sex scandal a fears ago. And the cherry on top: The obligatory invitation to the five day Hawaiian retreat workshop. Well, why putz around? If you’re gunna sell water by the ocean it might as well be the tropical Pacific Ocean. What isn’t mentioned of course is that your ticket fee to this grand event will also pay for the teachers’ yacht and uh, fifteen day seaside accommodations. Don’t you think this whole lotus floating in the clouds sat sang thing has worn out it’s welcome?  I am hungry like the wolf for a little non-politically and spiritually correct backbone.

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